Last Night

Just when I get lulled into the false sense that someone really gives a damn about me I hear you say "I'm not going to help you".....

Have I ever said that to you???????? Would I ever tell you I wouldn't help you do anything you'd ever ask me????

Gawd....so...yes, I AM alone...and this must be a divine  sign from Spirit: that I'm not to trust anyone to help me.

Never.

Today

OK..I admit..I'm doing this because I have to post every day.

Can I go home now?

I only have a few minutes, but it's a good thing to mention now: this new attitude I'm trying. 

See, I've asked for various people to help me with various items and issues and EVERYONE has flaked out. 

That's OK, because with this new attitude of mine now I can flake out, too.

I'll get into my background later.

For now all that is really necessary is to know that I am loved.

By who? Well, when I tell my mom and dad I love them THEY tell me they love me, too.

I just wish they knew who I was.

It kinda takes the joy out of the whole thing.

Like when my ex-husband used to say he loved me.

Problem was he didn't know the meaning of the word.

It kinda took the joy out of the whole thing...

I'm writing this to preserve my sanity. I'm not sure if I want anyone to read it, but somehow I hope it leads to making money. That's my biggest concern now. Money. Or lack thereof. If only I had more money then....

I'd pay my bills.

I wouldn't get scared when I think BahBi is sick.

I'd take the train to see Mom and Dad.

Probably in that order.

I talked to someone yesterday who recently lost everything financially. She did everything right. Just like I did. And now we sit here wondering what's next.

That's the scary part.